Historically,
the Hmong have married within their clan but outside their family
name. They have a custom of engagement where the child is engaged from
one month of age. The boy’s parents will go to ask the girl’s parents
for an engagement by bringing the things for the engagement ceremony to
give to the girl’s parents. Both sides will then conclude an agreement
that their children will marry when they grow up and that whoever goes
back on the agreement will pay reparations to the other side. Hmong
still practice this tradition today, but not as commonly as in the
past.
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Make a marriage proposal.
Traditionally, Hmong parents would find a wife for
their son when he is 14-16 years old. If they know that their son
already has a lover, they will make an offering of boiled chicken and
seven joss sticks to an ancestor spirit and pray for guidance from it.
They will know the response from the tongue of a chicken and the
chicken leg that they gave in offering. If the sign is inauspicious,
the would-be groom’s parents tell their son to break up with the woman
and offer another boiled chicken to the spirit. Another way is to
arrange for two matchmakers to make a marriage proposal.
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If, on the way to the woman’s house to deliver a
marriage proposal, a wild animal like a snake or a deer were to pass in
front of the line or a dead body were to be in a village that the
group walked past, Hmong would interpret it as a bad omen and would
cancel the marriage proposal in the belief that the couple would be
visited by ill fortune, separating or passing away in the future.
Hmong go to the woman’s house in the evening, after
they finish their day’s work. The man’s matchmaker will give tobacco to
the woman’s parents and tell them the name of the man who wishes to
marry their daughter. |
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Hmong will call their relatives over to decide
whether to accept. The woman will have two matchmakers working to reach
an agreement with the man’s matchmakers about the dowry. To that end,
the woman’s matchmakers will put one bottle of alcohol and four glasses
on the table near the door; they will come to drink together and after
reaching an agreement to marry move the table inside the house and
discuss the dowry and the date of the wedding. |
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If in some other way the woman denied, they will
move the table outside and, after finishing the alcohol, everyone goes
back home. The man really loves that particular woman, the man will
try again. On the other hand, Hmong do not have to make the marriage
proposal; instead, the man may elope with the woman and have a wedding
ceremony when the couple has enough money. |
http://hmong.hilltribe.org
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